it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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