There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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