I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
