I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We got so high we made milksteak
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
