just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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