Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Green mimosas i think yes
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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