What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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