I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
