i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
