dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
