Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
