Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
