Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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