We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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