dude i'm inner monologue high
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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