yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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