Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
