I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
