He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize