I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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