Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
