So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
