You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
