No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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