I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
