Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
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