eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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