He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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