Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
When are your genitals available?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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