I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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