guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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