I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
