Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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