he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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