the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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