I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My penis needs a shock collar
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
