take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
