Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
