i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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