So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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