I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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