Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
