Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
