Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
