The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I wish I could teleport
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
