6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
