your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
