Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Drunk is a universal language darling
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
