I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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