at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There's always time for handjobs
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
foreskin is a definite game changer
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
