I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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