i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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