do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
