It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
