Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
